Parenting your teens when you are separating from your partner

Parenting teens can get tricky at the best of times. But when you, as parents, are splitting up, it can feel like an additional whirlwind of emotions. You might feel hurt, betrayed, and let down and think, "This isn't fair!" To add to all the feelings around the separation, we ask questions like What are we doing to our teenagers? Which can bring feelings of parental shame.

It's normal to feel this way. But guess what? You're not alone. There are ways you can parent your teenager as they deal with their feelings around you and your partner separating.

Some of the emotions that your teenager may be going through:

They feel really emotional, all over the place, like they don't know what to do with all those feelings inside them.

They feel guilty, assuming it's their fault, creating false narratives like, "Did I do something wrong? Could I have stopped this?"

They feel uncertain when trying to get used to life being different. The family might be changing a lot, and knowing what to expect is hard.

They feel like failures when trying to keep up with schoolwork. All these emotions can make it hard for them to focus on school, leaving them feeling like they are not okay, which leads them to "act out" or "behave differently."

There are ways to help your teenager get through these by guiding them to:

Ask for help: Your teenager may need to know that if things feel too much for them to handle, it's okay to ask for help. There are people out there who want to help them through this tough time.

Talk it out: Find someone your teenager trusts, such as a friend, family member, or counselor, or even write in a journal, which can help your teenager express their feelings.

Help your teenager remember it's not their fault: Help them understand that we, as the parents, decided to separate, and it was not because of anything the teenager did.

Keep things steady: Lightly encourage your teenager to stick to their routine as much as possible. Knowing what to expect helps your teenager to feel more normal.

Get extra help: Talk to their teachers or counselors if your teenager struggles at school. They can provide additional support to help students.

Find ways to let off steam: Create an environment for your kids to do stuff they enjoy, like playing sports or hanging out with friends, which can help them deal with all those big feelings.

Remember, you are not a failure if your teenager is hurting. As a parent who is separating, you are also having to navigate a multitude of changes that are affecting you, not just emotions. You are not alone and have nothing to be ashamed of. The primary step to becoming a parent (even a separating parent) is to start saying to yourself, "It is going to be okay." the next step is to take a moment and give yourself the congratulations you deserve for recognizing that there is something that you as a parent can do.

At Moksha Coaching, we specialize in coaching parents to be the parents they want to be. If you want to take that first step, click here and arrange for a call.